Men of Character


By Chris Holmes, guest contributor

In the transition from boyhood to manhood, something deep within our nature shifts -it is gripping, definitely tied to our sexuality, and feels innately wild. This enigmatic hormonal assertiveness wells up and finds healthy expression in intense passion and sexual desire. This drive is divinely created and should be celebrated.

Unrestrained predatory behavior is not organic to manhood or inherent in male character. Abuse, violence, unwanted aggression and sexual assault are grotesque distortions of the healthy male drive and cannot be blamed on hormones or “boys just being boys”. This abhorrent conduct is more often rooted in a distorted sense of male privilege or a misogynist view of women, neither of which are of divine creation.

We men clearly have work to do in reinforcing healthy expressions of manhood and repelling social norms that justify or support abusive male behavior. We must unequivocally state that the line between healthy sexual expression and predatory abuse is not only a clear line, but a wide one, and is not crossed by men of character, no matter how powerful they are or how upstanding they may otherwise seem.

Longing for Better Balance

man with the blindfold walking

By Teresa Angle-Young

In a recent coaching session with a pastor, he said, “I simply cannot hear God’s voice anymore.”

He said this with a combination of fatigue, exasperation, fear and anger.

After an hour of deeply listening to him, what I heard was a life too full – full of meetings, commitments, and stress – a life overextended. Surely there was no time to stop and listen deeply to God. There was no time to listen deeply to his congregation. There was no time to listen deeply to the wisdom of scripture. And it was showing in a diminished quality to his sermons.

Most clergy have big hearts, full of compassion, and have a tendency to want to be all to all, usually at the expense of their personal lives, their health, and their own needs and desires, and often at the expense of being able to listen to God. While Jesus does call us to give selflessly, even Jesus took time away from the demands of ministry to take care of himself, to pray, to dine with friends, to form and nurture relationships, and to rest. He took time to listen deeply, to those around him and to God.

Why do we feel we can do more than Jesus?

One of the biggest challenges of ministry is knowing when to shut off the phone, to turn off the computer, and to simply rest and enjoy life. In order to provide care for others, we must care for ourselves. And in order to be an effective preacher, we must create boundaries to protect both our “down” time as well as our sermon preparation time.

Here are a few suggestions. Not everyone will work for you, and some will not even apply to you. Boundaries are not the same for everyone, so consider these and pick the ones that you want to try.

  • Schedule one hour on your calendar at the beginning of the week to simply read your sermon text, pray over the text, and reflect on the text. Do not take calls or allow interruptions during this time.
  • Observe a weekly sabbath. I know. I know. It is hard. But it’s also a commandment, and there is a good reason for that. Just do it.
  • Look at your entire work week and try to map out where you spend your time. For example, there are 168 hours in a week. A clergy colleague suggests that you sleep/rest 1/3 of the time (56 hours), work 1/3 of the time (56 hours), and spend the other 1/3 (56 hours) in recreation, hobbies and other non-work-related pursuits. Most clergy spend far more than 56 hours a week in ministry, at the expense of either sleep or family, friends, pets, fun, relaxation, hobbies, sabbath, etc.
  • Read a lot of non-religious writing. You’ll be shocked at how many sermon illustrations you’ll suddenly see.
  • Go to movies, watch the news, and read blogs on the Internet. Listen to music. Read poetry. Read fiction. Eavesdrop on conversations! People watch! Stay up on current affairs. Again, it’s sermon illustration fodder…
  • Eat the best, most nutritious food you can afford, and drink a lot of water. Not only will your body thank you, but your vocal chords will too. Cut out sugar-laden soft drinks.
  • Exercise. Take a walk. Get your body moving in some way every couple of hours for at least 10 minutes or so. If you have physical limitations, consult your doctor and do what you are able to do. If nothing else, move to a different location and give yourself a few minutes just to drink in a new view or get some fresh air.

By creating boundaries you also have the opportunity to create balance, and in that balance, you’ll have time to listen, deeply, to the voice of God.

Is your life in balance?

Click here to download a free life-work assessment tool.

And, if you’d like to work with a coach who can help with your work-life balance, you can apply for a coach at

Exemplary Leaders Possess Grit

Dr. Harry Durbin, Clergy Coaching NetworkAdobeStock_190590443.jpeg

As we have learned from our mentors, adaptive leadership skills set great leaders apart and when practiced with passion allow us to achieve a level of excellence that is needed and desired.

Angela Duckworth, in her groundbreaking book GRIT, makes a case for one of the essential components of such a skill set. Her conclusion is that effort and hard work “count twice.” When we approach our lives with grittiness, we can deliver on achievement. A person may not be a genius or possess the highest level of natural gifts, but if she or he is gritty, works hard and is committed to achievement good things happen.

I am a Memphian, and we have a professional NBA team nicknamed the Grizzlies. For many years, they have made the playoffs and on occasion taken down teams with much more natural talent. Their achievements fit their mantra, “Grit and Grind.” I do not know all that is intended by that phrase, but it certainly meant that their effort and passion could exceed that of other teams and enable them to win when not expected. To give stronger effort, to practice more diligently, and to outhustle your opponent will yield the right stuff.

In the practice of life and ministry, there are so many implications for this principle that we will simply call grit.

We can establish a culture of grit in our homes and workplaces. In the middle of Duckworth’s book, she quotes a section from a JPMorgan Chase manual, titled HOW WE DO BUSINESS.

“Have a fierce resolve in everything you do. Demonstrate determination, resiliency, and tenacity. Do not let temporary setbacks become permanent excuses. And finally, use mistakes and problems as opportunities to get better and not reasons to quit.”

Persevering will take you to good places and create the right results. It is summed up well by Brene Brown when she offers a snapshot of her book RISING STRONG.

“Fall. Get Up. Try again.”

Remember the woman in Scripture who persisted in prayer. She had grit. Remember the coach who required you to shoot a hundred free throws every day after practice. He taught you grit. Where are the spaces and places in your life that a renewed grittiness might make a huge difference?

We All Need “A Quiet Place”


Rick Kirchoff

A few weeks ago my wife and I went to see the movie, “A Quiet Place.”  If you’ve not heard about the film, it’s one of this year’s top-grossing films, earning just under $185 million over the last month.

Without giving away too much of the plot, it is the story of a family that must live in complete silence to avoid being attacked by a vicious alien with super-sensitive hearing. Silence, in the film’s post-apocalyptic world, saves lives.

I was reading a blog post about the film by David Chatham.  In the post, David asks us to consider how we can use silence to our advantage. He offered “three times when silence is golden.”  So, when is silence golden for a preacher or Christian leader?

1st — When you have nothing to say

It’s OK not to have an opinion on a popular/trending issue. Chatham says that we need to fight the urge to conjure up something just to be a part of the conversation. He invites us to resist the temptation, and be contemplative rather than risk being seen as exploitative or ignorant.

2nd — When someone else is more qualified to speak

Providing the insight of experts can add value and communicate that we care enough about our audience to bring them relevant content.

3rd — When it’s time to listen

Over and over we’ve all been reminded to listen twice as much as we speak. This is especially true for Christian leaders as we face the challenges of ministry.

This 3rd point brought to mind the powerful message in Psalm 4:4-5: “When you are disturbed, do not sin; ponder it in your beds and be silent.  Offer right sacrifices and put your trust in the Lord.”

Ruth Haley Barton writes, “There are times when the most heroic thing a leader can do is to remain in that private place with God for as long as it takes to keep from sinning.  In silence, we consciously trust ourselves to God rather than following our human impulses to fix, control or put people in the r place.”

This is not to suggest that we never speak.  Certainly, we are to courageously speak justice and compassion and hope.

But she cautions, “The more we are called upon to use our words the more distressing things are, the more that active leadership is required of us, the more silence we need. The greater the call for decisive action, the more we must be sure that we have waited long enough to receive clear direction.”

In another place she tells of how a wise, spiritual director once said to her, “Ruth, you are like a jar of river water all shaken up.  You need to sit still long enough so that the sediment can settle and the water can become clear.” Be still!  Let things settle!  Take the time to quiet and calm your soul.

We all need A Quiet Place, a space to be with God and God alone, where we take the time to quiet and calm our soul and where we listen twice as much as we speak.

Where is your Quiet Place?

Strategic Planning or Herding Cats


The Reverend Dr. Teresa Angle-Young, Church Coaching Solutions

If strategic planning with your church feels like “herding cats” then listen up!

Clergy from around the country share with me that strategic planning can be one of their most frustrating processes, for the following reasons:

  • Getting leadership and/or staff to agree on strategy can feel like herding cats. As one pastor shared, “If we have 12 people in the room, that means there are 24 opinions on every issue.”
  • The strategic planning process results in too many ideas and priorities, so that the church tries to do too much and spreads itself thin.
  • After the leadership ratifies the strategy, the church doesn’t have the bandwidth to execute it, and so the strategy sits on shelf.

Strategy doesn’t have to be stressful. You can get your leadership aligned and in agreement about your church’s strategy. You can set up accountability structures so that your team implements the strategic plan. And you can do all of this while building your church’s capacity to be stewards of your mission and vision.

To begin:

  • Answer the most important strategic questions to set your church up for realization of its mission;
  • Choose only the right number of priorities required for success; and
  • Put in place accountability and a structure to make sure that your strategy actually gets implemented.

Let’s break those down a bit.

One: Answer the “big” strategic planning questions. The big questions include: Who is our mission field and how can we better serve them? What do we do best and how can we build on that edge? How can we prepare our church to seize opportunities? What are potential scenarios that we need to consider for the future, and how will we prepare for them?

Unfortunately, many churches debate these issues with academic discussions and confusing jargon. They are like philosophers trying to decide how many angels can dance on the head of a pin. At the same time, some churches come up with brilliant answers to these questions, but can’t quite take them to the point of clear initiatives that get done.

The big strategic planning questions are worthless if they don’t result in a few clear, compelling strategic initiatives to strengthen the church.

Two: Set a few clear priorities and an overall strategic theme. The most important outcome of the first part of the strategic planning process is to identify the most important priorities for the church. Starting with a long list of potential priorities, the leadership discusses the relative value of each, and hones in on only a few key priorities. This discussion can also lead to greater clarity about the big strategic planning questions, especially about what the church should do best. No church can be everything to everyone. What makes your church special?

Once a list of no more than three to five priorities is agreed upon, the team can come up with a strategic theme. This is a one-line statement that conveys the overall strategic push for the organization. Examples could include: “Pay off building debt!” “Expand to a second campus.” “Start a new student ministry.” “Increase membership by 20% in 18 months.”

During this phase, many churches settle for a long list of priorities. This has the benefit that nobody feels excluded or insulted. However, it makes it highly unlikely that the church will get anything done completely.

Three: Implement. The biggest complaint we hear about strategy is that it never seems to get executed. There are a few reasons why:

  • Neglecting to commit essential resources to the strategy, including capital, training, technology, and people.
  • Failing to take things off the plate of busy staff and volunteers, and instead just stacking more work on them.
  • Having lack of will to stop old initiatives that compete with the new, even when the old ministries are no longer fruitful.
  • Not setting clear roles, responsibilities, accountability, and rewards systems for volunteers.
  • Giving up after a few setbacks or initial resistance.

A sound strategy spends as much time on implementation planning as it does on the more glamorous work of answering the key strategic questions and setting priorities.

Which of the above areas is weakest in your church? Some churches are strong at asking the big picture questions, but fail to follow up. Some set too many priorities, and can’t say “no” to good ideas, despite limited resources. Others are strong at executing, but lack the vision to develop compelling strategic initiatives.

A strong and focused strategic process gives everyone in your church a common language for talking about strategy, so that everyone is included and can contribute. It draws on the knowledge and expertise of your leadership and members. And it’s laser focused on a few key initiatives.

To learn more, download a Strategic Assessment by clicking here.


Making Disciples in the Smaller Church


I was recently reading an article that came from The Billy Graham Center, LifeWay Research, the Caskey Center for Church Excellence.  The article shared the findings of a study about growth in small churches (attendance up to 250).  1,500 small churches in 11 denominations were surveyed, and the study found that in growing small churches the pastor played a significant role in making new Christian disciples.

Here are some of the findings of this study:

1 — The pastor blocks out time for the purpose of sharing the gospel with non-Christians. If the pastor is to lead evangelism in the church, the pastor must first personally live out the evangelism call.  These pastors more often attends a classes or conferences to learn personal evangelism skills. If the pastor is a learner and stays inspired and growing in the area of evangelism, that pastor’s church will reach more people who commit to Christ and who stick. 

2 — The church regularly engages in ministry outside the church in order to share the gospel with the unreached people.  The churches that make new disciples and grow through conversion also tend to be the churches that are making a difference in their communities!

3 — The pastor more regularly receives feedback indicating a strength in communicating with unchurched people in the weekly worship services. This factor does not mean the services are for unchurched people, but only that pastors translate what is going on and what they are teaching for unchurched people so that they feel included.

4 — The pastor hears more regular reports that the people in the church are reaching out and sharing their faith. The church does not need superstar pastors who share their faith while everybody in the church cheers them on from the sidelines. The more important factor is that the people catch the contagion that the pastor models!

5 — A higher percentage of the church budget is given for evangelism and mission. These churches put their money where their mouth is… and it shows up in reaching unchurched people who commit to Christ and their church.

6 — The pastor more frequently asks people to commit after sharing the gospel. The ability and practice of “popping the question” and making an invitation predicts that more people will commit to Christ and more people will stick.

7 —  The pastor more often offers a class for new attenders. Whether that class is intentionally evangelistic, or more oriented on helping people better understand the church, having clearly deniniated next steps predicts people will come to Christ more often and grow in their discipleship.

8 —  These churches are places of invitation, hospitality, welcome, and involvement for the unchurched.  So, those who were previously unreached stick around, come to Christ and engage in a life of discipleship.

Questions for Reflection:

Pastors, what parts of this most resonated for you?

How are you personally engaged in Making Disicples for Jesus Christ?

What can you take away from this study to enhance your small church ministry?


by Rick Kirchoff, Clergy Coaching Network

The link to the article is here:


It’s Hard to Get Yourself Unstuck


Churches and pastors can get stuck! And when it happens, it’s hard to get unstuck on your own.

There are any number of reasons that churches get stuck.  In our work with pastors and congregations we’ve found that it happens for any number of reasons:

The church is unclear about its mission.

There is no vision for the future.

The church has become inwardly focused and preference-driven.

The church refuses to reach out to the community.

The pastor and the church leaders play the blame game.

The Great Commission has become the Great Omission.

The church worships their past successes.

The church obsesses over its facilities.

You and the church are focused on activities instead of outcomes.

You have not equipped God’s people to do the work of ministry.

How about you and your church? Do one or more of these statements apply to you and your congregation? If so, you just might be stuck.

It’s hard to get unstuck when you try to do it alone.  If you or your church are having difficulty, let a Clergy Coaching Network coach help you and your church get find a new future. You can apply for coaching at

Or, if you want to learn more about us, our web site is

Never Moderately Important

Rick Kirchoff, Clergy Coaching Network

Close up view of golf ball on tee on golf course

Those of you who are golfers may remember Gary Player, who, in his day, was one of the best in the world.  Over his career, he accumulated nine major championships on the regular tour and six Champions Tour major championship victories, as well as three Senior British Open Championships on the European Senior Tour.

When Gary Player was competing, people would constantly come up to him and say, “Gary, I’d give anything to be able to hit a ball like you!” And Gary would usually nod and smile.

But one day, things hadn’t gone well in a tournament. He was frustrated. And he was tired.

And somebody said, “Gary, I’d give anything to hit a ball like you.”

Gary lost his usual tact and politeness  He said, “No, you wouldn’t! You would like to hit a ball like me if it was easy to do it. But it’s not easy. What you’ve got to do to hit a ball like me is get up at 5:00 in the morning and go out to the range and hit 1,000 balls. Your hand starts to bleed, and you go into the clubhouse and you wash off the blood and you slap on a bandage and you go out and you hit 1,000 more balls. And you do that day after day, week after week. That’s what it takes to hit a ball like me.”

The truth is, nothing great ever happens without practice and training and sacrifice and dedication. And the same is true in the spiritual life.

C. S. Lewis said something that is so profound, and yet, so simple: “The only thing that Christianity cannot be for you and me is moderately important.”


To learn more about Clergy Coaching Network, go to


The Angel Oak and You

Rick Kirchoff, a Clergy Coaching Network Coach

Large southern live oak (Quercus virginiana) near Charleston, South Carolina

On John’s Island, near Charleston, South Carolina, there is a live oak that is 400-500 years old. Some even think the tree could be as much as 1,500 years old.  It is called the “Angel Oak.” It is 65 feet high, has a diameter of 160 feet and covers 17,000 square feet.

The Angel Oak has survived countless challenging events: hurricanes, floods, earthquakes, lightning strikes, damage and human interference. It was severely damaged by Hurricane Hugo, but it has recovered.

One thing you can’t see in the picture is that there are a number of metal poles, steel cables and support braces that are in place to help this tree grow and to keep it from getting so big and heavy that it brings itself down.

Building a strong spiritual life and being sustained in ministry, requires support as well.   We all need people who will encourage us, lift us up and support us in growing into all that we can be.

Who are the people who provide support and encouragement to you?

We hope that you are surrounded by loving friends and trusted colleagues who help you be healthy, resilient and hope-filled.

Finding a coach may be one of the best gifts you can give yourself in strengthening your ministry.

At Clergy Coaching Network we partner with pastors and congregational leadership teams in a thought-provoking and creative process designed to inspire them to maximize their ministry and fulfill their mission in the world.

If you’d like to know more, reach out to us by clicking on the contact tab.  Or you can go to our website:

Eight Traps That Can Derail a Ministry in the First 90 Days

Rev. Dr. Teresa Angle-Young


Starting a new ministry appointment? Coupled with the excitement of a move to a new church, there is often some anxiety. How do you start off on the right foot, and ensure the best possible outcome of ministry success? Following are eight traps that can derail a pastor in the crucial first 90 days in a new role:

  1. Failure to clarify expectations. While the formal job description lists expectations, there are also informal expectations that aren’t put on paper. Be sure that you know what your leadership really expects from you. Often churches are guilty of not even having a job description for a pastor, so be sure you nail down the expectations for what the church will see as success.
  2. Failure to understand your new District Superintendent (if you are United Methodist) or other judicatory and his (or her) style and needs. The first 90 days is the time to build a strong relationship with your new DS, Staff Parish Relations Team, Vestry, etc. What makes them excited? What irritates them? How can you best adapt to their communication and decision-making style?
  3. Not building credibility and trust with staff and key lay leaders. Each person is different. The first 90 days is an important time to assess your team and set strategies to engage both paid employees and volunteers.
  4. Being perceived as eccentric. Take time to learn the culture and fit in. Of course, you want to be YOU, your authentic self, but each church has a culture, and you do not want to be seen as an ill-fit.
  5. Aligning with the right players. The first 90 days gives you the opportunity to understand the informal power structure in the church. Who has insider information? Who can best help you navigate the sometimes tricky waters in a new assignment?
  6. Step on political landmines. Unless you are specifically expected to go after sacred cows in the church, tread wisely during your first 90 days. This is a time to observe, gather information, and understand the existing structure.
  7. Taking abrupt action without taking the time to learn. Give yourself enough time to observe and understand why things are the way they are.
  8. Failure to continue to develop. As Marshall Goldsmith’s book title says, “What got you here won’t get you there.” During your transition period, be humble enough to identify new skills you may need, knowledge you may have to acquire, and relationships that will help you continue to progress in your ministry.

To learn more about making effective transitions, contact us, and be sure to use our free “Ministry Success Assessment” tool by clicking here.